Welcome to the typical progression of my personal gaming-related groundhog… Summer, I suppose. Every year, my time spent in Tyria is cut short by the temperatures outside turning sauna’esque and the need to keep the PC running on an all-time-low-duration (aka: off.) to keep the inside temperatures at a bearable level. Of course, while not roaming the Tyrian countryside on a regular basis, my mind tends to wander off into Tyria’s kitchens – and comes up with long-forgotten things that would be perfect to cook and eat, and pronto!

Last weekend, this very Summer-appropriate gem of the Chef’s Guild’s menu…

…popped into my head as I was pondering one of our regions’ signature winter specialities – slow-braised beef with a horseradish sauce that only counts if it burns all the way through to the back of your skull (farther up north along the Rhine they actually put a sweet’ish spin on it with stuff like honey, cream and even raisins… wusses.). But, regrettable twists on winter delicacies and winter itself aside for the time being: It’s hot, it’s Summer, it’s BBQ time – and most importantly – it’s Burger Season~! Here’s what you need for 2 serious Tyrian Horseradish Burgers:

The Green Apple & Horseradish Slaw
¼ Large, firm cabbage, sliced as thinly as possible
Cheaty Option: Pop he Contents of a 400g ready-made (vinegar & oil dressing) Cabbage Salad, rinse and wash it thoroughly to get rid of the metric ton of sugar mixed in with the cheap grease used in those things
2 Stalks of Celery, very thinly sliced
1 Granny Smith Apple, very finely julienned – immediately dump the matchsticks into iced water and add a splash of lemon juice, that way they’ll retain their crunch until it’s dinner-time.
1 Red Onion, very finely chopped
½ Bunch of Parsley, very finely chopped
1 Tbsp Mustard Seeds, lightly toasted
1 Tsp Caraway Seeds, lightly toasted, roughly ground – you’ll need more of both types of seeds for the patties as well, so you might want to adjust the amounts right away to toast them in one go
3 Tbsp Freshly grated Horseradish Root
Opt: 1 Tbsp preserved extra hot horseradish on top of the fresh one if your root is too weak

“it’s not real horseradish if the back of your head doesn’t prickle in excitement”

– Grandma

Cheaty Option: 3-4 Tbsp storebought preserved horseradish – Believe me when I say: cream-horseradish doesn’t work! Only use this cheat if you can get your hands on the unaltered, unsweetened, uncreamed, non-watery raw preserved horseradish
1 Tbsp Maple Syrup
2 Tbsp Natural Greek Yoghurt
1 Tbsp Mild Herby Mustard
½ Bunch of Chives, very finely chopped
2 Tbsp White Balsamic Vinegar
1 Tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Salt and freshly cracked Black Pepper to taste

1) Place all ingredients, minus the cabbage itself, in a large, sealable mixing bowl.
2) Give the lot a good whisk until everything is well combined. If your tastebuds aren’t particularly used to close encounters with raw horseradish, spare them the ordeal of a taste-test at this point.
3) This dressing goes deliciously well with a potato salad too by the way…
4) Place the cabbage ribbons in a large colander, sprinkle it with a generous pinch of salt and work the strands between your fingers, basically massaging the rather chewy fibres, softening them up and, more importantly, squeezing out a bit of cabbagey moisture to make some space for the dressing inside the cabbage curls.
5) Once you’re done, allow the veg to rest for about 10 mins, then add the cabbage to the dressing bowl after giving it another firm squeeze.
6) Give the lot a thorough flip to combine everything, then cover the bowl and pop It into the fridge for at least 3 and a max of 24 hours.
7) Just before serving, give it another toss and go through the usual taste-adjust routine.

The Mustard Burger Patties
I know, I know… I keep preaching to leave the meat alone for the most part and play with the toppings of a burger instead, but in this case, adding just a couple of aromatics to the meat aligns it perfectly with the slaw. Dear purists, take it from one of yours… there’s an exception to every rule~!

300-400g 70/30 Lamb & Beef Mince or 100% Beef Mince
A very generous sprinkle of Salt
1 Tbsp of your favorite Steak Pepper Blend
1 Tsp Caraway Seeds
1 Tbsp Brown Mustard Seeds
1 Tbsp Herb Mustard
4 Sprigs of Parsley, leaves picked and finely chopped
1 Tsp Brown Sugar

Just on a side-note: a good friend of ours has given me an idea to share with you guys – with those of you that have enough freezer space for shenanigans such as this, to be precise – regarding the amounts of mince… He told us about his habit of buying vast quantities of mince, seasoning and forming it into 100-150g patties and freezing them individually for easy solutions for unexpected burger emergencies. I think this would work perfectly with my usual garden-party-method of neatly arranging the meat strands and rolling them up into a large log before slicing off the patties! I do wrestle around with that method with smaller amounts regardless, but believe me, even though it’s well worth it, forming a log with the usual burger-bun diameter with under 800g mince is a rather ridiculous and fiddly affair.
I have to warn you guys, though: Since freezing the patties actually never occurred to me, I can’t tell you if the patties will keep their shape or fall apart while thawing on or next to the griddle/BBQ. Let me know how it turned out if you’ve given it a try~!

By the way, I’ll be skipping the in-depth description of my “usual unusual” way of pattie-creation today since it’s simply too hot to sit inside and write about food about to be turned on sizzling coals – I highly recommend going with the method described details in these recipes…

GW2 Path of Fire Chipotle Chili Burger
GW2 Italian Deluxe Burger
Asparagus Burgers with Punchy Strawberry Relish

…or join me in being lazy (for once)! Fly through the season-mold-wrap-chill routine and described below and find yourself the shade of a tree and a breeze to enjoy until dinner~ Anyways, let’s get on with it!

1) Add the mustard- and caraway seeds to a small pan and toast them on medium-low heat until they start to release their aroma.
2) Once they’re cooled off just a bit, pop them into a mixing bowl along with the mince, salt, steak pepper, herb mustard, parsley and sugar.
3) Snap on a pair of CSI gloves and have at it until the spices are evenly dotting the mince.
4) Divvy up the pile into 2-3 similar-sized portions.
5) Using the bottom of one of your burger buns as a size-and-shape template, firmly roll, pat and mold the spiced mince into burger patties tailor-fitted to your buns.
6) Place each pattie on a sheet of clingfilm and tightly fold it in without changing the diameter (too much).
7) Once they’re all wrapped up nice and tight, flatten them out just a liii~iitle bit more inside their new skins, smooth out any rough edges and lightly press onto the center with your fingertips to create a minute indentation – this will keep them from puffing up in the heat later on.
8) Pop them into the fridge and allow them to chill it for at least 2-3 hours, allowing the meat to set while the spices do their magic.
9) Set a pan on to high heat and let it sit there for about 5 minutes until it’s piping hot.
10) Retrieve the patties, carefully remove the clingfilm and gently pat them back into a bun-fitted diameter in case they’ve shrunk down a bit in the arctic environment of your fridge.
11) Add a knob of ghee to the pan and gently lay dow the patties inside once it had enough time to melt.
12) Around 2-3 minutes per side should net you crispy-on-the-outside-juicy-the-inside golden burgers. Set them onto a warm plate and cover them with aluminum foil while finishing up the rest.

Assembling the Burgers
2 Dark Honey & Caraway Rye / Spelt & Walnut / Sweet Brioche Buns – in that order, according to my tastebuds
2-4 Serious Slices of Aged Cheddar – if it can’t keep up with the lamby beef pattie, might as well spare yourselves the calories.

<insert burger mumble here> “mmmmh… adds another layer of body and… mmmmh… Tell them to go find a decent cheesemonger with a wheel of the good stuff in his display~”
– Hubby

2 Splotches of Grainy Mustard
The Mustard Patties
The Horseradish Slaw

1) Slice the buns in halves.
2) Toast them if you like or proceed to spreading the mustard over the bottom halves if your tastebuds are running out of patience.
3) Speaking of pati…. what? First slice of cheese, piping hot patty, second slice of cheese, blob of slaw, bun-top, tie bib around neck, un-hinge jaw… mjam.

Enjoy~!

♥